Showing Up With My Beads

Teenagers really just need you to be present. I am a month into my year serving with SPEC with three retreats under my belt. All three of these retreats varied in size, duration, and schedule. While there are many different variables that differ from retreat to retreat, one variable remains constant as a member of the SPEC team. The most important thing for Marta Diehm is to show up.

I remember discussing this aspect of YAGM work at our Discernment event and at Orientation. Americans live in a culture of productivity and achievement. As a result, there are a ton of identities we carry. An element of being present to those you serve requires the courage to let go of the identity we carry. All of our credentials, achievements, and life goals aren’t as important as who you can be to the people you serve. A “ministry of presence” develops once we focus in on the quality of relationships of our servanthood.

For the 15-17 yr olds I have been working with the past two weeks, it is most important that I show up ready, willing and available. I don’t come with all the answers. I don’t come with an agenda to push. I don’t come so that they may sheepishly follow my lead as the person “in charge.” I come as who I am in order that might be themselves too.

This past week I experienced two very different retreats. The first was a three day residential retreat. They were the kind of teenagers that are thoroughly enjoyable; bringing with them chuckles, poignant moments, and an incredible desire to take in the experience of being at SPEC. They were motivating, engaging and made me feel pretty darn good about myself and the retreat as a whole.

A few days later a 1 day retreat came in to the site. The retreat was a requirement for the students; they were rowdy, sassy, uncooperative, and just plan distant. All the YAGM training in the world can’t prepare you for a purposely loud, disruptive fart in the middle of a meditation session. There are only so many tools that can equip you to lead a session on prayer with six 16 yr. old boys, one of which signed the sign-up sheet as “Vin Diesel.” Once another snidely made a “I don’t believe in God….I don’t pray….no one can tell me otherwise” comment, I quickly found myself up a creek without a paddle, but rather with a cutesy little prayer-bracelet activity.

Turns out, the 6 boys were surprisingly excited about making the bracelets. (I didn’t check the men’s bathroom afterwards; I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my rainbow bead bracelets went the way of the urinal.) Nonetheless, it is in situations like these that I am reminded that the young people I’m working with are not the “lost” ones. They aren’t the product of my mission. I don’t have a check list of goals. I don’t get a report card at the end of the year grading me based on successes and failures. It is in this environment that I can let go of some of the drive and control I held so preciously onto throughout my years in college. My presence and availability to these young people is what matters the most. I’m truly enjoying myself as I engage and am engaged simultaneously. With all of this prayerfully in mind, I will continue to show up…..with my rainbow prayer bracelets in tow.

Shining My Light,
-Marta